Breaking Up Is Hard to do in the Facebook Era

I just broke up with my gf of five years last night. It was a breakup conducted in reasoned tones over wine, though when I woke up sober a few hours later and realized I was sleeping next to someone I was no longer in a relationship with, I fled the house and drove home in the middle of the night with my flat screen monitor and laptop so as to make an awkward "stuff" exchange unnecessary later. The perfectly nerdy dramatic exit.

The relationship had been stormy, but PTSD brought on by memories of my disastrous online dating experiences and my sense of dim prospects were an adhesive. However when she bought a house over the summer I realized the relationship was a bit of a dead end. Although I have adjusted well and actually enjoy living alone I know deep down I ultimately want a partner. Someone to share my life with. The fact she hadn't been to my apartment in 6 months due to cat allergies led to feelings of alienation, and her demanding work and parental visitation schedule left her little time to spend with me.

Unfortunately I shot myself in the foot by suggesting the "maybe we should see other people" strategy of relationship salvaging during an aborted break-up attempt two weeks previously. Little did I know one of her friends was waiting in the wings. A friend who conveniently lives nearby. And will no doubt get more of her time and attention than I ever received.

Thankfully, despite the incestuousness of the lesbian scene, my now ex-gf lives about 10 miles away, and is "out of network"--in other words, our friendship circles don't overlap. No one will have to worry about which half of a split couple to invite to their party. But Facebook is another matter. Thankfully the bisexual relationship vulture is not my friend on Facebook, but a lot of her friends are. Do I still want to be their friends? I know I will never be going back to my ex's town for fear of vulture sightings, but a FB exile seems a little extreme. Fortunately my ex is an infrequent poster, but do I really want to see what events she is RSVPing to? And then when to change your relationship status to single? Seeing the red heart on the newsfeed is even more heartbreaking than the actual breakup. And when is my ex going to change her status? I guess she doesn't need to now that I think about it--the most painful realization of all.